I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
