I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
