put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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