The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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