So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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