Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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