Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
