Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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