dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
