you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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