whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
