Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
