Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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