that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
