Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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