it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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