He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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