I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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