This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
