Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
