You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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