yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
