why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
