where does the pee come out of this thing
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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