dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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