I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
