when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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