Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Randomize
