I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
