So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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