They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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