im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Randomize
