Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
