Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
