What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
