i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
