Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
