How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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