did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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