what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
