sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How naked do you want me to be?
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