you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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