I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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