did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
