Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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