he puts the penis in happiness.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
