Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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