i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
