oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
