I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
