I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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