FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
