You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
