I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
