Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
