I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
