Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
