You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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