My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
